1/15/2024 0 Comments Martial arts adventure sifu![]() “Ooh, don’t waste your precious years on revenge because you’ll never get them back. The flow of being killed, because it’s not a long game and forty-fifty odd lives is more than enough, frankly, and at points you can even spend XP on rolling your age back a few years if it bothers you that much, although that kinda defeats the message as I interpreted it. ![]() ![]() But eventually I learned to relax and go with the flow. I mean, on my first attempt I was stressing out restarting the first level over and over again when I was dying too many times because much the same reason I gave up binge drinking, I didn’t want to waste my twenties. There’s a couple of associated gimmicks, as you age your health goes down but your damage goes up, but otherwise you might as well put it out of your mind. It’s an interesting storytelling concept, really drives home the main character’s obsession if he’s willing to waste an entire puberty bringing down one troublesome boss fight, but in practical terms it’s not much more than a classic lives system with a hard limit. So you start out as a fresh faced Disney prince in his school jogging trousers and death by death watch his beard grow and his muscles fill out until by the end he’s about forty-six and looks like an overgrown ornamental rock garden. ![]() The first interesting bit is the gameplay mechanic wherein every time your character dies from getting kung-fued too much – which will happen frequently because the basic combat also borrows from the retro arcade gaming tradition of being designed to remove coins from the pockets of unsupervised schoolchildren with all the fervor of the CIA removing democracy from an easily bullied oil-rich South American country – then they immediately come back to life, but age an entire year. I guess it’s pretty interesting that it’s being done in 3D over the shoulder style, although it does on one or two occasions switch to a 2D side on camera when it starts to fret that the reference might be going over peoples’ heads. It even ends each level with a colourful boss and litters the environment with disposable melee weapons because apparently the only things people throw away in this world are beer bottles, broom handles and fileting knives. Okay, so it’s a game where you go through a sequence of levels based on urban settings where every single person you meet from junkies to janitors to businessmen to substitute maths teachers is trained to the exact same standard in one highly specific martial art, except for the fat ones who all learned grappling techniques from handling their enormous sandwiches – oh wait that’s not very interesting either, that’s just the bog standard retro arcade brawler template. You play a young martial artist who as a child watched their mentor get killed and who then trains for years before going flip-out spanky-wa – oh hang on that’s not very interesting at all. View Full Transcriptīut anyway, I’d been getting requests for Sifu and finally had the chance to play through it last week, and I’d have to say it is an interesting game. It’s like how it’s easy to lose confidence in your stand-up set if the opening act was a gigantic golden dancing rhinoceros that spunked diamonds at ballistic velocity and killed eleven audience members. I think Elden Ring might’ve frightened everything off. It’s not usually this bad this time of year. They’re so fucking dead they’re planning to start their comeback tour in Sarajevo. Sifu is a third person brawler that came out a while back but holy Jesus human centipeding Christ are new releases dead right now. And sometimes even manages to get through the whole process inside a century, Shenmue. So we did the samurai movie plot in Trek to Yomi, in which the protagonist watches their mentor get killed as a child and then trains for years before going flip-out spanky-wanky all over the baddies responsible and eventually concluding that revenge isn’t really worth it, now let’s turn to Sifu and explore instead the martial arts movie plot, in which the protagonist watches their mentor get killed as a child and then trains for years before going flip-out spanky-wanky all over the baddies responsible and eventually concluding that revenge isn’t really worth it, while not wearing a pointy hat. We have a merch store as well! Visit the store for brand new ZP merch.
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